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Understanding Passive Aggressive Behavior: Signs, Causes, and Impact

Understanding Passive Aggressive Behavior: Signs, Causes, and Impact
Last updated: March 31, 2026 | Written & Reviewed by OCP Team

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Imagine you’re having a conversation at a work meeting. It sounds normal enough, but suddenly you feel like there is something that is not normal. 

You recognize that your colleague is telling you something without telling you anything! Unexpectedly, they said something that hit you! 

It can be a passive-aggressive behavior.

Passive-aggressiveness is the pattern of expressing negative feelings without properly addressing them. It’s a masked way of expressing hidden feelings. People in this behavior show their frustration without letting the other person recognize the underlying anger. 

This behavior causes confusion, frustration, and tension in relationships and severely impacts mental health. 

While passive-aggressive behavior isn’t always offensive. However, when it’s severe, it can be considered passive-aggressive abuse or emotional abuse. 

Understanding this condition can help people who have undergone passive-aggressive abuse. 

What is Passive Aggressive Behavior?  

Passive-aggressive behavior can erode trust and severely impact relationships. People in this state usually say something that seems harmless, but it is an indirect way of controlling or harming another person. Instead of clarifying their issues, they use sarcastic ways or witty jokes to make the other person feel bad.  

Many of the people around us deal with this in their everyday lives, such as in friendships, roommates, colleagues, and partners. 

Common Signs 

This behavior can make a person question their self-worth. It causes a lack of confidence as they start questioning the validity of their experiences. However, when this behavior gets repeated over time, it can be a form of covert emotional abuse that can lead to serious harm. Passive-aggressive abuse can take many forms.

Here are some examples and signs to recognize them.

  • Stating that “I’m fine” while apparently being cold, distant, or irritated.
  • Suddenly going quiet to punish or control others.
  • Chronic procrastination or “forgetting” tasks as a way to oppose demands.
  • Hostile attitude.
  • Doing a task poorly or slowly on purpose to express irritation 
  • Sarcastic behavior such as “jokes” that are actually put-downs, or backhanded compliments.
  • Acting like the victim
  • Frequent criticisms about feeling underappreciated or treated unfairly, without saying so directly.
  • Withdrawing affection without explanation when upset.

Common Examples of Passive Aggressive Behavior 

People who use passive aggression act differently and do something different. They might say one thing, like “Sure, I’d be happy to do this task!” and later on complain about it. 

Here are some of the common examples of red flags that may help to indicate this behavior. 

  • Example 1: If you are telling your coworker you are trying to lose weight, the very next day, they bring a lot of sweet things for you to eat.
  • Example 2: Making intentions mistakes and delaying the required task, just because they are angry with the other person
  • Example 3: People in this state show unhappiness through actions like shouting or slamming doors, but don’t express their feelings verbally.
  • Example 4: They grouse to others about situations that bother them. But don’t resolve them by communicating directly. 

What are the Causes of Passive Aggressive Behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior is expressed in different ways. Most of the people use this way to underline their fear to avoid direct conflict. So, basically, it’s a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness.

This behavior usually doesn’t come from “meanness” alone; it often develops as a coping strategy.

1. Learned Childhood Behavior 

Children who are raised by overly controlling parents. Where anger was punishing, mocking, and they just got modeled instead of being tight in a healthy way. They may exhibit this behavior.

Also, children who have underdeveloped communication skills struggle to engage in direct communication. So these childhood factors lead one to learn other ways to express feelings of anger by being passive or engaging in manipulative behaviors. 

2. Fear of Conflict

Fear is one of the major factors that lead one towards passive behavior. As some individuals are terrified of confrontation, they express anger indirectly in different ways. The person in this state thinks that expressing anger in any way is bad, but they still express it indirectly. 

3. Low Self-esteem 

When a person lacks confidence and feels like they are easily criticized. They think that passive aggression can be a way to feel in control.

4. Lacking Emotional Understanding

If an individual is unable to name their emotions, they don’t know how to express them. They may act out through this behavior instead.

5. Hidden Bitterness

People who lack boundaries, the irritation builds up until it makes the person behave in this manner. 

Displaying this behavior is not necessarily a sign of a mental health condition. However, severe passive aggression is associated with:

  • Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
  • Stress
  • Anxiety disorders
  • Depression
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Schizophrenia
  • Alcohol abuse
  • Drug withdrawal
  • Anorexia
  • Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
  • Adjustment disorder

The Impact of Passive Aggressive Behavior

It’s a chronic condition that severely impacts everyday life activities. It can be a form of verbal and emotional abuse. After some time, it can affect physical and emotional health. Also, people who are experiencing or victimized are more prone to develop mental health conditions. It causes extreme challenges that can impact your ability to function properly. 

This behavior can look “less harmful”, but its effects run deep. Here is how it impacts:

On the receiving end; 

  • Confusion and self-doubt 
  • They may feel like they are walking on eggshells
  • Staying irritated, as the real issue is never named
  • Trust issues and emotional safety over time.

The person experiencing this 

  • Problems don’t get resolved
  • Frustration and a feeling of not being understood.
  • Problem building relationships because others feel manipulated

How Does a Passive Aggressive Cycle Work? 

The cycle of this behavior shows how adults take on inappropriate, childlike, and unprofessional behaviors to show their anger. So basically, this cycle has four stages, where individuals express suppressed anger through sabotage or withdrawal rather than direct conflict. This behavior is extremely effective at one thing, which is shifting the burden. 

Stage 1: The Triggering Incident

A distressing or boundary-setting situation occurs, where the passive-aggressive person finds it unfair or unpleasant. This behavior often arises from fear or often learned belief that expressing their anger directly can be unsafe. 

Stage 2:Repressed Emotions

The individual in this stage disagrees with the situation but says yes outwardly while feeling angry deep inside. However, they may show their anger in some other manner. It can be by blaming the other person for putting them in this situation.

Stage 3: Expression of Passive-Aggressive 

People at this stage express hostility indirectly instead of speaking what they want. Some of the common examples are intentional delays, forgetting to do tasks, sullenness, sarcasm, or “doing it badly” to annoy the other person. At this stage, individuals take revenge while maintaining deniability.

Stage 4: The Immediate Reaction

At this stage, the person who is receiving this behavior feels confused, frustrated, or angry, and often reacts. Here, the person doing the passive aggression feels “satisfied” for having managed their anger without the dangers of direct conflicts. 

Is Passive Aggression a Mental Illness?

Passive aggression isn’t a mental health illness. Although people who adopt this behavior might be suffering from mental health disorders. This condition can severely damage personal and professional relationships. While it’s not a personality disorder, these  behaviors are common in people who are diagnosed with:

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Note: if you feel like you are experiencing this condition, and it causes problems in your relationships. Get help from a mental health professional immediately. 

How to Recognize Passive Aggressive Behavior?

Individuals in this state avoid direct communication but express negative emotions. It sends mixed signals.

Recognize passive-aggressive behavior in others

If you feel like the other person is intentionally making negative comments. These comments make you confused, hurt, or disoriented after your interactions with them. There are chances that they might be showing passive-aggressive behavior.

Recognize passive-aggressive behavior in yourself. 

If you feel like you are avoiding conflicts and just staying irritated. Or if your actions hurt others or make them defensive, it might be a sign that you’re being passive-aggressive.

Diagnosis

Passive-aggressiveness is not an official medical diagnosis in the current DSM-5. Only a mental health professional can diagnose this condition by conducting some questionnaires. They may check out the symptoms, signs, family history, and childhood history. Mental experts also meet the family members and caretakers to know more deeply about the individual who is showing this behavior. 

Through all this, they diagnose it and recommend treatments as per the severity of the condition.

Treatment Approaches 

If you’ve experienced passive-aggressive abuse, remember healing is possible. It is a curable condition that requires some time. Mental health experts recommend treatments tailored to the specific needs of individuals. They also combine medications with therapies to get the desired outcomes. 

No medications directly treat this condition. Some of the common medications that can help include antidepressants (SSRIs), mood stabilizers, or anti-anxiety medications, which may be used for related underlying conditions.

Additionally, some therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It helps people recognize and change negative thought patterns that trigger indirect aggression. CBT improves emotional regulation and leads people to think positively. Communication Skills Training, it is also a very helpful way to heal from passive-aggressive traits. It focuses on developing the power to directly express their feelings instead of using passive methods.

Moreover, Interpersonal therapy helps by identifying passive-aggressive roots in past relationships. It enhances self-awareness and develops direct communication skills to express needs. It reduces relationship conflict and emotional distress. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), it is a subtype of CBT that helps people deal with emotional regulation. DBT helps people to recognize, understand, and replace passive-aggressive tendencies.  

Also, some other techniques that can be helpful include the following:

  • Setting firm boundaries
  • Active listening, 
  • Practicing non-defensive responses 
  • Encourage open dialogue
  • Practicing mindfulness activities 

Get Help at Orange Coast Psychiatry 

Passive-aggressive behavior severely disturbs the quality of life. It can be considered a form of covert emotional abuse. Over time, abuse can erode a person’s self-esteem and negatively impact their well-being. 

So, if you think that you or someone you care about might be experiencing passive-aggressive abuse, don’t hesitate to get help. With the right support, you can break the cycle of abuse and live a happy, fulfilling life. 

At Orange Coast Psychiatry, we have a team of certified, trusted mental health experts who provide evidence-based treatments. We offer a safe and nurturing space. All sessions are strictly confidential, and your privacy is always protected, so you can feel comfortable sharing your concerns. Our top-notch experts also offer virtual treatments. So you can get treatments without hassle from the comfort of your home. We cover a wide range of insurances and offer flexible payment options to help make care accessible to everyone.

Appointments are available, book yours now!

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