Do you apologize every time, even without making a mistake, or do you feel isolated even living with your loved ones? If yes, it can be a sign of emotional manipulation.
Emotional manipulation is a form of psychological abuse; it makes the individuals question their own self-worth. The manipulative person plays with your mind and tries to
control you by becoming more intelligent and makes you feel dumb. However, recognizing the tactics of emotional manipulation is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy, balanced life.
This article provides insights on what emotional manipulation is, its signs and tactics, how to spot red flags, how it affects our mind, and what are the coping strategies.
Understanding Emotional Manipulation
The main motive of emotional manipulation is to show power and control. Manipulators are not born with it solely, it’s a personality disorder. They learn this behavior from their surroundings, such as abuse, neglect, or insecure attachment styles in the past. Moreover, some individuals have a high sense of sensing the emotions which makes them manipulate the other person easily. These manipulators are in every relationship, such as the workplace, friendships, or family. The manipulators often use your weak points against you and make you feel guilty and fearful.
What are the common tactics of emotional manipulators?
There are several aspects through which it can be recognized that a person is being emotionally manipulative.
Read More: Emotional Intelligence (EI) And Its Relationship With Mental Disorders
These include:
Guilt-dripping
It’s a common tactic used by emotional manipulators to control thoughts and emotions. They make you question your own self esteem by making you feel guilty for doing nothing. They may ask questions like this, Do I deserve this after what all I have done for you? I guess my feelings don’t matter to you! If you really love me, buy me an expensive thing!
However, these questions make you unsure about your own worth, and over time cause guilt. It’s really important to make yourself a priority, and set boundaries to avoid manipulation.
Gaslightening
Gaslighting is a psychological and emotional abuse which makes you question your ownself, memory, and sanity. It can happen in any relationship, such as the workplace, family, or friends. It’s the most dangerous tactic by the manipulator which makes you think that you are making false beliefs.
For example: If there is a shooting star in the sky that you have seen, you ask the other person and they start accusing you by saying what are you talking about? This question makes you think that you might see things that other can’t. It’s a very sneaky and wild form of manipulation.
The silent treatment
Manipulators use the silent treatment as a punishment, instead of talking and making things better, they start behaving cold. They manipulate the emotions and make the other person think that they are worth nothing. They start behaving as a stranger and you become invisible to them. The manipulators use this silent treatment as a weapon to be more powerful and dominating. Over time you become used to this cold behavior.
Read More: Why Is Men’s Mental Health Month Needed To be Observed?
Playing as a victim
The manipulators blame the other person for all the misdoings to get sympathy from others. They portray themselves as a good person and never share the other side of the story. It eventually makes the other person guilty, and they start blaming themselves for every mistakes.
For example, you don’t care about me! they accuse their partner for everything.
Exploiting insecurities
The manipulator becomes your well wisher to get to know all your weak points and insecurities. They exploit the insecurities to gain power and to have control in the relationships, it can be a past experience, a fear, or appearance. The manipulator uses their insecurities to make them feel under confidence.
For example, if they have a small height they continue to remind them about it to chip away their confidence. After some time, it makes them think that they have so many flaws, and they are lucky to have that manipulative partner.
Love bombing
It’s a tactic used in emotional manipulation relationships. A manipulator uses flattery and praises the partner excessively. In the start of the relationship they show that they are obsessed with their partner by giving attention and gifts just to gain control. They make the other person feel like they are indebted in love.
Here is an example of manipulation: they may say “I love you” so early and show the other person that they can’t live without them. However, when the manipulator knows that they have gained power over their partner, they shows their narcissist behavior and start devaluing them. They suddenly show their true self by being cruel, controlling, and criticizing.
Read More: Find Your Freedom By Knowing How To Break A Trauma Bond
Triangulation
A manipulator involves a third person to make their partner jealous or to cause conflict. They spend more time with others to make their partner insecure, and talk badly about their partners to third person. However, an example of a manipulator is: when two people are fighting they often add the child in the conflict just to emotionally make the other person feel bad. To cope with triangulation manipulation one should stay focused on the facts, or have a direct conversation with the person to avoid manipulation.
Twisting facts
Manipulators use this technique to make the other person ashamed of themselves. They constantly provoke the other person to think the other way, they lie, exaggerate and convince them in their own ways. This tactic makes the individuals confused over what is right and what is wrong, and they question their own self worth. However, the manipulators weaken their ability to think the way they were thinking.
Emotional and physical blackmail
This tactic is very common in manipulation, the manipulators threaten, pressure their partner just for dominance and power. They get what they want by blackmailing them, such as threatening them that they will leave them, take away the children. They often do violence just to comply with their own demands.
Denial
This tactic is commonly used by the manipulators to avoid the situation by just refusing. They don’t acknowledge their wrong actions. This denial can be in many ways, such as they pretend they forget what happened, protecting themselves by saying it was your fault, by attacking their accountability. The denial works in two ways by blaming or by avoiding the responsibility.
Read More: How Depression & Relationships Affect Each Other Emotionally & Mentally
Public humiliation
The manipulator remains calm and supportive alone, while in public they make their partner feel unworthy or dumb. The manipulator uses sentences like this, why are you wearing this short dress? You look so fat in this dress!
This causes extreme stress, as it shakes the personality and makes the person hurtful.
Playing dumb to take advantage
People pretend like they don’t know anything and behave like they are dumb. However, deep down they are very clever, they pretend to be dumb just to avoid the responsibility or gain advantage. This tactic helps them to get to know the mental capability of the other person. Manipulators often hurt your feelings and emotions, and claim that they didn’t even realize that their behavior was hurtful.
How to spot emotional manipulation?
Here are some signs and steps that may help you in spotting the red flags in any relationship, these include:
- If a person has controlling behavior.
- If they monitor your activities and take your decision on their own.
- They dictate you over everything.
- If they avoid talking about important topics.
- Making fun of your feelings and emotions.
- If they harm you physically or verbally.
- If they play blame games.
- Keeping secrets from you.
- If they are isolating you from your friends and family.
Read More: Beyond The Blues And The Traits: Mood Vs Personality Disorders
What are the effects of emotional manipulation?
Emotional manipulation impacts your mental and emotional well-being, causes difficulties in managing relationships, and leads to low self-esteem.
Fragile relationships
Emotional manipulation severely impacts your mental health and causes difficulties in managing relationships. It makes the relationships fragile, toxic, leading them to withdraw to reduce further manipulations. They are not able to trust any other person in the future, which further leads to isolation from everyone.
Impact on emotional and mental health
Emotional manipulations lead to mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. It also causes physical issues such as fatigue, headaches, feeling drained, and disturbances in sleeping. Individuals constantly doubt their self worth which leads to difficulties in making decisions in life.
Struggle in making decisions
Individuals who have suffered through manipulation have extreme issues in making decisions, as the manipulator keeps them dependent. One may constantly self doubt on making decisions, such as career choices, personal choices, or daily activities.
Read More: Relationship Anxiety And Methods To Deal With It
How to cope with emotional manipulation?
Healthcare professionals help individuals to acknowledge the cycle of emotional manipulation through therapeutic approaches. Here are some of the common therapies that may help the individual to overcome emotional manipulation and reestablish their true self.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is an evidence-based therapy that has proven effective for helping individuals who have been manipulated. Individuals suffering from emotional manipulation have feelings of worthlessness, guilt, low self esteem, and more. CBT is based on the principle that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. CBT targets unsettling thoughts and beliefs by intervening in thoughts by changing them into helpful ones.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT is also a form of Cognitive behavioural therapy. DBT is for those people who are struggling with emotional manipulation or abuse. DBT is based on the idea that two opposing things can co-exist. In therapy, it means that you can accept your thoughts and emotions and still move on from them by changing them into productive thoughts and emotions.
Trauma Therapy
People who have suffered abuse and manipulation have low self-esteem and traumatic memories. Therefore, trauma therapy such as Eye-Movement Desensitization and Response (EMDR) can be a beneficial treatment for trauma. In this therapy, you move your eyes in bilateral movement from left to right. This method stimulates the brain, helping it to desensitize the information about the traumatic event in the past.
Support groups
Support groups play an important role in reducing the symptoms of trauma. It provides a sense of connection with others and reduces isolation. It provides a nurturing environment where you can talk about your issues without the fear of judgment and stigma. Individuals share their experience with others who are struggling with the same issues. However, people share tips and strategies with each other to overcome the symptoms earlier.
Read More: What is Trauma Dumping and How to Stop It?
Last Remarks
Emotional manipulation leaves a lasting psychological impact on our mental well being. Manipulators are everywhere, either it family, friends, or a workplace. Recognizing the signs are very crucial to know the manipulation tactics as they use these tactics to gain power. Manipulators play with mind and make individuals think that they are worthless. At the start of the relationship they make you fall in love, give you attention and after some time they make the individuals feel worthless. However, recognizing these signs earlier can help people take control of their well-being. People who are already struggling with manipulation can cope with it through therapeutic approaches.
Reclaim your mental well-being at Orange Coast Psychiatry
If you feel like you are walking on eggshells and need support for overcoming manipulation. Orange Coast Psychiatry is here to help! We provide professional expert guidance to help you regain your emotional well-being and overcome traumas. We provide group and personalized treatments to help you navigate challenges and harness your inner strengths. You can also get your treatments from the comfort of your home through our telehealth services.
Reach out to our experts today!
