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What Is The Story Behind People Pleasing Trauma Response

What Is The Story Behind People Pleasing Trauma Response

Blog Outline

We all have done a little bit of people pleasing for one reason or another at some point in our lives. But have you been doing people please a lot more than what is usually considered acceptable? Perhaps, it is something people have been calling people pleasing trauma responses. Well, if you are confused, then we are here to help eliminate this confusion.

People Pleasing as a Trauma Response

We should not label people pleasing as a trauma response as it is more a symptom of the actual symptom. We all experience trauma— and then we also receive an emotional or physical response to a disturbing or distressing event as a result. This result can take different shapes and sizes. We resort to various coping mechanisms to help us process a threat. Some respond angrily or aggressively (fight response), some run away from the situation (flight response), and others respond by simply shutting down (freeze response).

A fourth, more uncommonly known, response to trauma is called fawning, whose major symptom is people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety around them. So it is not that please-pleasing trauma response per se but moreover, it is a symptom of fawning.

Pete Walker, a known psychotherapist for marriage counseling first coined the word “Fawning” in his seminal book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. In it, he describes individuals who respond to trauma with people-pleasing tend to “seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others.” This type of behavior comes under the umbrella term of fawning.

Read More: Understanding The Fawn Trauma Response: What It Is And How It Impacts Us?

What is People-Pleasing?

It is closely associated with overly-appeasing behaviors and cycles of codependency but is also sometimes referred to as the “fawning” trauma response. An example of people-pleasing is making decisions to please your wife at whatever cost–this could be anything from choosing the type of house you own to deciding where you will go for dinner based on someone else’s wishes.

It’s a maladaptive way of creating safety around our relationship with others by essentially reenacting the perceived expectations and desires of other people, with whom you would like to continue the bond. So, it is not the actual trauma response but a symptom. How do we refer to it? We can still refer to it as people pleasing trauma response as it is by proxy of fawning indeed a trauma response that thrives as a symptom. What other symptoms are there and how can you spot people-pleasing behavior in affected individuals? Here they are:

  • Trouble saying no or setting healthy boundaries in relationships
  • Constantly seeking approval or assurances
  • Worrying too much about what others think and needs
  • Don’t understand their authentic self
  • They find it difficult to identify and understand their feelings
  • You frequently feel like you’re walking on eggshells because you are afraid of how other people will react
  • They try to control others’ decisions in an effort to feel emotionally safe
  • Experiencing guilt when they’re upset with others and immediately blaming themselves (sometimes called “self-gaslighting”)
  • At the time of a conflict, their initial instinct is to “appease” the angry person
  • Ignore their own needs, preferences, thoughts, and feelings to please others
  • They shapeshift your needs depending on others’ moods (not just parents or caregivers, but everyone)

Read More: Trauma Brain Vs Normal Brain: How Trauma Affects The Way We Live

The Difference Between Codependency and Please Pleasing Trauma Response

Codependency happens when an affected individual is unable to have a healthy, two-sided relationship is another side effect of fawning rather than a please-pleasing trauma response. It is often learned from family members who are suffering from substance use or a chronic mental health condition. But it can also be confused with the people-pleasing coping mechanism although it shouldn’t be as please pleasing is just one aspect of codependency as it is where people are enmeshed with each other and tend to lose them in the process, often identifying themselves and the other person as a single entity, which is not the case with the usual people-pleasing coping mechanism.

What Kind of Trauma Causes People to be Pleasing To Others?

People-pleasing and trauma go hand in hand. A car crash or a bad break-up can be considered a singular traumatic event but people who display people pleasing as a trauma response usually go through persistent and repeated trauma stemming from triggers like childhood trauma, relational trauma, and complex trauma such as ongoing sexual or partner abuse. Complex trauma can also become collective trauma, where everyone experiences the same persistent trauma over and over again but this time together as a group such as when people did during COVID-19. All of these causes can lead to you having a people-pleasing trauma response.

Read More: Understanding Relational Trauma

Stop Fawning, Stop People Pleasing Trauma Response

There’s a chance you could be trapped in a cycle of fawning and therefore people pleasing trauma response, if you find that you’re too focused on the needs of others or have trouble standing up for yourself. If it is left untreated you will be further drowning in the toxic pattern of people pleasing behavior that is not only bad for your mental health but also worse for your other parts of life such as physical and financial well-being as you will end up in a vicious cycle of extreme cases of people pleasing trauma response, such as codependency. Something like psychotherapy and medication such as antipsychotic medicine can help with treating it.

Wrapping Up

You know the story behind the people pleasing trauma response, and what are the associated symptoms, and how it can be treated. Untreated trauma can also lead to serious mental health consequences, including an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), therefore it is compulsory to get treatment as soon as possible. For this, Orange Coast Psychiatry is at your service as it can help you treat mental issues such as Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, MDD, Specific Phobia, or Acute Stress.

Frequently Asked Questions

People-pleasing can often be a response to trauma or other life experiences.

Through psychotherapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) or prescribed medication.

This behavior can lead to feeling anxious, exhausted, and becoming resentful.

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Richard Samedra.

PMHNP-BC

Richard Samedra, PMHNP-BC, is a Board Certified Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. He brings over 12 years of experience in the mental health field, working with clients facing a wide range of acute and chronic mental health conditions. His journey began as a Licensed Vocational Nurse and Charge Nurse at Westminster Therapeutic Residential Treatment, where he supported clients dealing with anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and substance use disorders. Richard’s dedication was centered on helping these individuals improve their mental health and transition to a lower level of care, whether that meant returning to their families, a board and care facility, or a sober-living environment.

Motivated by a growing passion for mental health care, Richard pursued his Registered Nurse (RN) education at Saddleback Community College and later transitioned to La Palma Intercommunity Hospital Behavioral Health. In this role, he specialized in geriatric psychiatry, working with older adults experiencing conditions such as Parkinson’s disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety. This experience solidified his commitment to mental health, leading him to work at Bellflower Community Hospital, where he provided care for patients experiencing severe psychiatric crises, including suicidal ideation, manic and depressive episodes, substance use disorders, and exacerbated schizophrenia symptoms.

Inspired by the impactful work of PMHNPs at Bellflower, Richard enrolled in the Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner program at Azusa Pacific University. To broaden his expertise, he worked full-time at College Hospital Costa Mesa while completing his studies. There, he gained comprehensive experience across various units, including adolescent, acute men’s and women’s, stabilization, and detox/med-surg. Now, as a PMHNP, Richard is committed to leveraging his diverse background and knowledge to provide compassionate, comprehensive care to those in need.

Richard currently practices as a Nurse Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner at Orange Coast Psychiatry, where he is supervised by Dr. Montgomery.

 

Shaheena Gazipura

PMHNP-BC

Shaheena Gazipura is a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP-BC) with over 9 years of dedicated experience in both inpatient and outpatient mental health care. She earned her Master of Science in Nursing from Western University of Health Sciences in Pomona, California.

Shaheena began her career working on an adult psychiatric inpatient unit before transitioning to the geriatric psychiatric inpatient unit at USC Verdugo Hills Hospital. In addition to her clinical work, Shaheena also serves as a Nursing Clinical Instructor, guiding the next generation of nurses through their mental health rotations at a large community college.

Shaheena is a passionate advocate for mental health, believing that it is a fundamental pillar of overall well-being. She is committed to reducing the stigma surrounding mental illness and strives to provide comprehensive, compassionate care that honors each individual’s unique experiences and challenges. Her goal is to create a supportive, nonjudgmental environment where patients feel empowered to work alongside her in achieving their mental health goals.

Outside of her professional life, Shaheena enjoys exploring new culinary experiences, staying active through exercise, and planning her next travel adventures.

Shaheena currently practices as a Nurse Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner at Orange Coast Psychiatry, where she is supervised by Dr. Barrios.

Clint Nacar

PMHNP-BC

Clint Nacar, PMHNP-BC is a Board Certified Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. Mr. Nacar graduated from Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science. Currently Mr. Nacar works in an inpatient psychiatry unit at a leading academic medical center in Los Angeles, Renewed Mental Health Group, and Orange Coast Psychiatry

Mr. Nacar brings over 7+ years of experience with the mental health population. He works to help patients take control of their mental health through patient education, psychotherapy and medication management. Mr. Nacar’s areas of focus include: Depression, Anxiety, Adjustment Disorder, Bipolar disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Mr. Nacar treats children ages 6+, adolescents, and adults, offering both in-person services and telehealth at Renewed Mental Health Group.

With the collaboration of each patient, Mr. Nacar strives to develop individualized plans of care addressing each patient’s unique situation and concerns. He also encourages each patient to take charge of their mental health through a holistic approach while also employing the latest evidence based practices in treatment.

Clint is one of our most experienced Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioners at Orange Coast Psychiatry and is 103NP Licensed in the State of California.

Cristian Cuevas

PMHNP-BC (Fluent in Spanish)

Cristian Cuevas, PMHNP-BC, is a highly skilled board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner with over seven years of experience in inpatient psychiatry and mental health.

A California State University Long Beach graduate, Cristian also earned recognition as a board-certified psychiatric mental health registered nurse. With a wealth of expertise in adult psychiatric care across the lifespan, Cristian has successfully diagnosed and treated a diverse range of mental health disorders.

Additionally, his specialized experience in child and adolescent inpatient populations further enhances his ability to provide comprehensive and compassionate mental health care.

Cristian Cuevas is the Lead Nurse Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner at Orange Coast Psychiatry and is supervised by Dr Barrios.

Griselda Hernandez

PMHNP-BC (Fluent in Spanish)

As a licensed Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP) with a robust background in psychiatric and substance abuse nursing, Griselda provides compassionate, evidence-based care to individuals facing mental health and addiction challenges. The core of her practice focuses on promoting holistic wellness, fostering resilience, and empowering patients in their recovery journey. Specializing in the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of adolescents with various mental health disorders, Griselda strives to create a therapeutic environment where patients feel valued, respected, and supported.
“My approach is grounded in years of diverse experience, including work in psychiatric units and medical detox units for both adults and adolescents. This extensive background has equipped me with the skills and knowledge to manage complex psychiatric and substance abuse conditions effectively. I am committed to staying updated with the latest advancements in psychiatric care, integrating cutting-edge therapies and best practices into my treatment plans. Collaboration is key to my practice; I work closely with multidisciplinary teams, families, and community resources to provide coordinated and comprehensive care tailored to each individual’s unique needs.”
Griselda holds a Master of Science in Nursing with a specialization in Psychiatric-Mental Health from West Coast University, and a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from The University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa. Additionally, she is fluent in the English and Spanish language, enhancing her ability to connect with a diverse patient population.
Griselda currently practices as a Nurse Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner at Orange Coast Psychiatry, where she is supervised by Dr. Barrios.

Dr Barrios

Board-Certified Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist

Dr. Carlos Barrios is a Board-Certified Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist with over two decades of experience in mental health care. His expertise in telepsychiatry has allowed him to serve patients across California and beyond. In his practice, Dr Barrios integrates metabolic and functional methodologies, focusing on guiding patients toward medication independence and emphasizing the connection between physical and mental health.
Outside of his professional life, Dr Barrios is passionate about kettlebell training, which helps him maintain my physical and mental wellness. He cherishes visiting his family in Guatemala, to reconnecting with his cultural roots and rejuvenating his spirit. Dr Barrios is also deeply involved in transcendental meditation and rucking, practices that not only provide him with tranquility but also keep him grounded and connected to nature. These hobbies reflect his commitment to a holistic approach to health, both personally and professionally.